so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
