the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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