Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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