i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
