He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
