she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
