How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Randomize
