Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
