her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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