Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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