Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
