yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
