i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
