I molested 6 butterflies tonight
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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