...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
