Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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