too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
