dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
