My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
