we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
