Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
