Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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