I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
