It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
