Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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