barbara walters just said penis...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
