I cannot find my penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
