there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
