the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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