I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
