I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
