This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
