just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
