This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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