so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
