Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
