I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
