She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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