whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
