This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
