Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
