How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
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