I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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