Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize