Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
