Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
