My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
