dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
