He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
