Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
