This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
