Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
