Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
