What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
