Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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