haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize