Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
