see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
