I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
