Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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