I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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