Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
