Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
