is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
