its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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