He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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