We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
