Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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