how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
