If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
