do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
