Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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