It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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