I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
