so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
