Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
