2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
