I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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